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Victorian State Premier Daniel Andrews has ordered the destruction of all physical and online calendars. By midnight on Monday, Victorians can expect to lose access to the traditional western twelve month calendar and all existing records of dates & historical information predating the COVID outbreak.
“I have thought long and hard about this and certain groups of people have assured me that this is the right thing to do.” Stated the Victorian Premier.
This move comes after calls from Monash University Professor and esteemed expert in Public Perception of Reality Jonah Bergstein, to highlight the significance of the coronavirus pandemic by “minimalising and gradually eliminating the public memory and understanding of times before COVID-19 existed”.
Last month, both Apple and Google announced their intent to update their clock & calendar phone applications, as well as the internal clock in all Apple computers, laptops, phones and other products to better reflect The New World and the danger COVID poses to public health.
“We don’t want to alarm people, however as uncomfortable as it may be for some, every effort must be made to ensure the highest possible COVID-awareness among western nations of the world.” Said Apple CEO Tim Cook.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is yet to comment on the unprecedented new calendar reset, but is expected (by certain groups of people) to offer his support at a press conference next Friday.
The reset has attracted criticism from far-right extremists, including known neo-nazis and conspiracy theorists who’ve likened Daniel Andrews to pre-COVID Dictator Pol Pot and the reset to “a world Communist takeover”.
Donald Trump was asked for comment at last week’s press conference at the White House. “It’s a big step, a crazy step being taken by crazy people who want to destroy our beautiful American history.” Said the US President, who was already referred to as “the pre-COVID President of the United States” by Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, in a speech he issued last week thanking the White House for an additional 3 trillion dollar donation to Israel’s International Psychological-warfare Department.
The Covid global reset scheme is expected to be rolled out gradually across the western world, with Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews so far being the only world leader to agree to implement the reset immediately. Angela Merkel of Germany and Justin Trudeau of Canada have been vigorously sought for comment by journalists, but aren’t expected to return from their Island-holiday until next weekend.