Satire: Totalitarianism Is Great! All Hail The New Mandates!


Totalitarianism is great isn’t it? You have loved the freedoms the government has taken away from you so far during the pandemic to feel safe. So here are the new mandates coming your way.

Since the government is about protecting you and is about the common good, the government has decided to introduce mandatory life jackets for anyone near water;  whether that is a public swimming pool, beach, river, lake or dam.

Also, the government has decided to mandate fitness passports. From 11.59pm on December 31 it will be mandatory to scan your fitness passport to access shopping centers, train stations, airports and other places which can be accessed via the Keeping You Healthy app. Not only are unfit people irresponsible but they are not protecting their immune systems and are living a life of savagery. They are anti-health. If you are unfit it is time to get fit to contribute to the common good and be a good citizen.

It is disrespectful to others to have unhealthy people sharing spaces with people doing the right thing. A fitness passport is a way the community can achieve a healthy society and it also means people on airplanes can feel more secure and safe knowing that obese people are not clogging up their space. It is not fair on the healthy if the obese are allowed on airplanes and pay the same luggage allowance when they are overweight.  Also their fat spills into other people’s seats. 

The next mandate the government feels is necessary is mandatory life jackets. We have an epidemic of people drowning and it stands at 0.0003% of all people and is an epidemic. We have an epidemic of people getting wet too. To alleviate people’s fears the government based on health advice will install measures to alleviate those fears. You have to wear a life jacket to enter any public area where there is water. Floating devices are backed by the science and anyone saying mandatory life jackets are not needed are anti-science.

We need to protect the protected swimmers from the unprotected swimmers. It is to make sure everyone feels more safe. Yesterday we saw another example of a tragedy where a man died drowning in a head-on collision car accident because he wasn’t wearing a life jacket. Water was found in his car so it is classed as a water incident.

The government will also mandate fumigating on every domestic and international flight before take off and after landing. It will involve high-pressure cleans and with the use of Glen 20. Only double vaccinated (soon to be triple and quadruple vaccinated) are allowed to board but all must get tested and then go onboard our airplanes with masks also mandated. The triple and quadruple vaccinated must still wear a mask on airplanes and in all terminals. Isn’t travel such fun in an airplane filled with hyper-vigilant hypochondriacs despite being boosted then boosted again? International travel has entered an exciting adventurous new world phase. 

Now, how are we to sell Australia to the world after our world-famous short-sharp extended lockdowns? Well, tourists will get to enjoy two weeks at a wonderful quarantine camp. The government is here to protect you of course. You will get to experience a two-tiered society with two classes of citizens as the lower class unvaccinated are treated as diseased lepers and banned from most public facilities.

Remember back when the Germans in their dark chapter of history did not want to share train carriages with Poles as they were considered disease carriers? The superior people with their Fauci shots are enlightened and have privileges. The disobedient diseased lepers will be denied food and other services all over again. Because, well, Australia is a progressive place you see and cares about public health. You get to show your papers to show how obedient you are and feel good that you are a wonderful citizen.

Some visitors may recall some fears that the Australian wilderness is filled with dangerous reptiles and birds, but now you may get brutalized by police goons who are terrorizing people for not wearing masks or not performing the ritual of signing in to a QR surveillance code. On-the-spot fines for disobedience are in the thousands with jail sentences imposed by courts

Remember when visiting Australia do not criticize any government measures or lockdowns or you may be put on a terrorist watch list as a threat to public health and could face and immediate deportations. The covidian cult is the de facto state religion. Your stay will be greatly unpleasant and short if you do not obey and comply with the covid cult demands. Your stay will be a great challenge but even more so if you do not perform the customs and rituals of the covid religion. Most Australians have covid statues in their homes and listen to government propaganda on Sunrise, the Today Show, and all mainstream channels. Australians enjoy subjugation and subjugating others is now a favorite pastime. 

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