Hilarious Article on “Intersectional Feminists” On First Dates Is Better Than Any Parody Ever Could be

Cultural Marxism, Feminism, Rundown

If you’re the type of person who enjoys being entertained by the never-ending limits of human beings’ ability to say stupid, then EveryddayFeminism.com is the website for you! You may be familiar with their work saying that global warming will affect women more than men or their guide to not culturally appropriating while writing fiction, but today we’ve found an article that only a brilliant satirist or a deranged leftist could have put together: “10 Things Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask on a First Date”

A word of advice to our younger readers, a question you should ask on your first date is “are you an intersectional feminist?” and run as fast as you can in the other direction if the answer is anything other than “no” or “what the hell is an intersectional feminist?” The latter is a good question to start us off with: An intersectional feminist is basically a feminist that respects intersectionality, not that you could find many that don’t. Now without further ado, 10 Things Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask on a First Date!

1. Do you believe that Black Lives Matter?
The article starts off strong with a whopper of leftist stupidity. The idea here is that this poor soul’s partner is supposed to show great support for the BLM movement and that a bigoted answer like “all lives, including black lives, matter” is actually a racist slur. Here’s what the article had to say about this point:

“Yes? Wonderful. Let’s start here. There are three categories that are non-negotiables for me: an understanding of race, class, and gender. Not everyone understands how these three can be insidious, systemic and intertwined, but anyone who doesn’t take the time to learn how systemic racism works isn’t going to care about how racism affects me or people who are darker-skinned than I am.”

2. What are your thoughts on gender and sexual orientation?
Of course, to a writer of everyday feminism, to say you don’t really care what other people do with their life relevant to sexuality and how they identify is a horrible act of bigotry. The proper answer, as you will see, is to claim that gender doesn’t exist and that sexuality is a beautiful spectrum of which only the heterosexual extreme is worthy of condemnation.

“The gender binary is a tiny box and I wish it didn’t exist, but it does. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who is queer-phobic. One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself. I can’t imagine being with someone who is transphobic; as a feminist and woman of colour, it would be a betrayal of what I stand for. Ignoring trans-misogynoir would be to deny one of the biggest, most despicable problems that we face.”

3. How do you work to dismantle sexism and misogyny in your life?
Gandhi said we should be the change we’d like to see in the world. If you, as you probably should, dislike sexism and misogyny what you should do is treat women with the respect that they deserve. But you only think this because of your un-woke cis-normative approach. Understand that anything other than crippling guilt about your leftist standard of privilege and a constant spewing of fourth-wave-feminist rhetoric is misogyny, something of great importance to the author of this article as you will see below:

“I’ve met cisgender heteronormative (cishet) men who hate women. They say they love women, but that love is conditional on not having their toxic masculinity questioned or threatened in any way. And they love us as a monolith, they love what women have to offer, whether it is sex, food, love, care, emotional labour: they love us for what we can do for them, not because of who we are for ourselves. It is crucial for cishet men to learn how to decenter their male privilege in order for them to understand the multitudes of interpretations of femininity and womanhood. Beyond Misogyny 101, does the person you are with understand rape culture, systemic sexism, and misogynoir? Are they willing to learn if they don’t? Misogyny is more than the pay gap. Walk away from anyone who believes that “boys will be boys” and that women are supposed to be mothers because we’re nothing but ambulatory incubators.”

4. What are your thoughts on sex work?
Hasn’t this been a wonderful date so far? Now to get into the good graces of this person you must state that you are incredibly pro-prostitution and think it is the most important and virtuous job ever to be created. Leave your talk of reasonable regulation and thoughtful debate about the issue at home, during this date only an active love of prostitution will be accepted.

“You may scratch your head at this one, but much like racism and misogynoir, being pro-sex-worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy. I don’t mean pro-sex worker in the sense where non-sex workers write op-eds and think pieces about how sex work is amazing and feminist. I mean the kind where we pass the mic to sex workers because they know their experiences better than anyone who hasn’t ever engaged in sex work. I mean the kind of pro-heauxism where you understand the labour of sex workers of colour, especially trans women of colour who engage in sex work because their experience and knowledge are crucial to understanding the oppressive structures of our world.”

5. Are you a supporter of the BDS movement?
Have you built an opinion based on the nuanced situation of Israel’s role in the world and their relationship with the Palestinian people? That’s because you’re a bigot. You see, anything other than blanket condemnation of Israel is, apparently, anti-feminist according to this author.

“BDS stands for “Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” — an effort to end international support for Israel’s oppression of Palestinians. I grew up with Jewish (Israeli and non-Israeli) friends and Palestinian friends. Before even understanding how power and oppression worked together, we understood the trivial hatred that colonized and put in constant danger the lives of Palestinians every single day.
Eventually, I learned about Apartheid from a theoretical perspective, and I began to understand the terror, trauma, and stress of having everyone you love and care about get killed, simply because one nation has the military backing and power to destroy your land for them to settle on. Being pro-Palestine is not the same thing as being anti-Semitic. I shouldn’t even have to express that but being pro-Palestine and BDS is a necessary part of intersectionality.”

6. What is your understanding of settler colonialism and indigenous rights?
We won’t bore you much with our take on this point, rather let the text speak for itself. It turns out a big part of being respectful of all walks of life is condemning any historical point of view that doesn’t match your own.

“I didn’t grow up in the United States. I was raised in Switzerland, so my understanding of how Europeans committed genocide against indigenous populations here in the U.S. was fairly limited. It required a good deal of my own research to really understand how settler colonialism works and how devastating the erasure and violence against Native Americans is and was. Your date thinks Native Americans are tropes or relics of the past? NO THANKS. A key part of intersectionality is having a complete understanding of how historical and current policies endangered the lives of millions of people, simply because of white supremacy and the colonialist entitlement to finite resources and land.”

7. Do you think capitalism is exploitative?
This is a key part of understanding intersectional feminism. This author sat down in her air-conditioned room on an ergonomic chair, opened her mac-book air, sipped on her Starbucks coffee and talked about the evils of capitalism. Turns out you cannot be a feminist without being anti-capitalism. Care to bring up the fact that capitalism has raised more people from poverty than any other economic system in the world including women? Well, you better not because that would be mansplaining.

“Anti-capitalism, especially in the U.S., is imperative if you have an understanding of systemic racism, the prison industrial complex, the 13th Amendment, and exploitation. Capitalism, for one, teaches us that we are only valuable if we produce capital. That means that if you aren’t contributing to the system with your labour, your life means almost nothing. If your date says they’re anti-fascist and part of the resistance but they’re cool with exploiting labour from communities of colour and they support the school to prison pipeline, then there’s a good chance they’ll only value you for your ability to nurture them without any reciprocation.”

8. Can any human be illegal?

…what? Well, no human beings can’t themselves illegal, of course, no one ever said that. Do you mean to ask if a person can be in a country illegally? Because, yeah, that’s a verifiable fact. Or so I thought. It turns out that a big part of feminism is understanding that evil white people took over hundreds of years ago and that means open borders now… for some reason.

“We live on a tiny planet, with land and water within a galaxy surrounded by a universe with an inconceivable number of other galaxies and planets. Yet here we dictate where we are and who is allowed to be where we are. It’s mind-boggling that borders are even a thing, so to call people “aliens” or “illegal immigrants” is so inhumane and despicable. White Americans stole this land, colonized this land, created so many borders, pushed out, killed and enslaved people of colour and somehow they have the audacity to claim that this land is theirs and that black and brown immigrants are stealing their jobs, land, and homes? Miss me with that bullshit.”

9. Do you support Muslim Americans and non-Muslim people from Islamic countries?
Turns out, unless your answer is that you are blindly pro-Islam, you are just an abhorrent person. Forget explaining the statistically verifiable rates of violence against women in Muslim-majority countries, or that you don’t have an inherent problem with Muslims as long as they are non-violent and respect the law of the land. This is just your pro-Trump white nationalism showing. Either love everything about Islam or pay the bill and shut up!

“I can’t think of any other religion which has been vilified and lied about more than Islam in a cultural and systemic way. I am not Muslim, so I will stay in my lane, but I cannot imagine for a second even claiming to be a feminist if I didn’t stand in solidarity with my Muslim friends and family — especially now, especially after 9/11. Don’t waste your time and energy on dating someone who thinks that Islam is inherently violent or misogynistic. Instead, read some Huda Sha’arawi or Mona Eltahawy to educate yourself further on Muslim feminism.”

10. Does your allyship include disabled folks?
My god, who has this woman gone out with? I have to say, this is a strange question to ask, but I agree that you should never be mean to people with disabilities. But, I mean, that’s generally going to be the case. I can’t say I’m surprised this author has gone on some pretty horrible dates, considering her dating advice, but to regularly find yourself on a date with a person who is mean to the disabled? It may be time to switch dating apps.

“As an able-bodied woman, again, I will stay in my lane, but intersectionality has to include a solid platform for disabled people — and not just the visible disabilities. If you have disabled family or friends, please make the effort to listen and learn about their lives and their experiences. Disabled folks are subject to shaming and violence because humans are awful and lack empathy. Be mindful of others who mock disabled people; that kind of cruelty is inexcusable. On a date with someone who uses ableist slurs? Walk away.”

As you can see this woman is an absolute delight to go on a date with. No one enjoys a high-end dimly-light restaurant with good food and wine to go along with your cis-white male castigation on behalf of a militant feminist. We believed the list, however, was not extensive enough and decided to add one more question to this individual’s article:

11: What poor decisions did you make in life that made you agree to even go out with me in the first place?

Emilio Garcia
Deputy Editor, The Unshackled
Host of the Front and Center Podcast