Warren I'm Not A Person Of Color

Elizabeth Warren SHOCKS the Nation: “I’m Not a Person of Color”

Identity Politics, Race, Regressive Left, Satire, US Politics


Pocahontas is no more. In a stunning move that shocked and raddled the nation, Elizabeth Warren, a woman with snow-white skin and a last name of English origin announced that she is not in fact what we all believed in our hearts to be an absolute truth.

Elizabeth Warren was named the first woman of colour to be employed at Harvard University after claiming that she was of Native American ancestry. She leaned into this assertion for years as she used her absolutely verifiable minority ancestry to advance her career, even submitting a recipe to a Native American cookbook called “Pow Wow Chow.” In it, she elaborated on two dishes that included ingredients such as:

•    Crab Meat
•    Dijon mustard
•    Worcestershire sauce
•    Cognac
•    Heavy cream

You know,ingredients that would be readily available to the Cherokee first-land’s people tribe. However, a man rose to power known best as “Orange Man Bad” who dared to attack this poor brown minority’s ancestry, claiming she had invented her heritage to advance her career in academia. He and other racist detractors also used racist very bad racially racist nicknames like Pocahontas, Fauxahontas,and Lieowatha.

However, it seems now that the tipi of cards could have come crashing down. Elizabeth Warren took a genetic test that PROVED she was of Native American descent in a whopping an overwhelming 1/1024 parts. This angered many after racist bigots pointed out that Warren’s Native American ancestry was below the national-average, and that Mexican and Colombian genes were used as substitutes in the genetic test and the test could have only proved a distant Latino relative.Bigotry is still alive and well in the United States.

It seems this brave minority woman has now caved under the pressure placed on her by the bigots and the haters and has asserted she is not a woman of colour, leaving the nation shocked and shaken. In a speech to a historically black university,Warren said: “As a country, we need to stop pretending that the same doors open for everyone, because they don’t. I’m not a person of colour. And I haven’t lived your life or experienced anything like the subtle prejudice, or more overt harm, that you may have experienced just because of the colour of your skin.”

Don’t you worry, Warren. The WOKE side of the political spectrum still believes that you are an oppressed woman of colour and we will be with you throughout this struggle.

Emilio Garcia
Deputy Editor, The Unshackled
Host of the Front and Center Podcast
Minds: EmilioGarcia